goodbye life.

have you ever needed to just get away? away from worries? from stress? away from.. everything? i was to this point and after a few meltdowns my parents and i decided it would be best for me to go to illinois. and boy was it a great decision.

 i quit my job a conservice and the next day my dad and i loaded into the car and off we went. 23 hours is a long time to be in a car, but it was full of lots of heart to heart talks and fatherly advice that was much needed. i was able to spend a few days just me and my dad. it was a lot of fun to see him in his home town. on tuesday he dropped me off at my grandmas and it was go go go from then. she is such a great lady, but we haven't always been close to each other so this was a good time to get to know her more one on one. it was fun to see cousins i'd never met, eat places i've always heard my parents talk about, and see new places. while i was out there my cousin talked to one of his friends and  found me a job. sounds amazing right? no. it added more stress to my already stressed out life.   

i spent the first week just enjoying everything. then slowly i realized that i had to come back to life and i didn't know if i was really ready for it. i spent lots of night laying awake wondering what to do. and to be honest. i still dont know. i came home last night and once again realized that life was still here waiting for me. i left, but it waited. now its time to figure out where life is going to go from here.

 but one thing i did learn was who was there for me and who wasn't. i always thought i had some pretty good friends. but leaving i learned that i dont. going two weeks without hearing from people i thought were my best friends hurt so bad. it was a wake up call for sure. but my parents were there for me through all of this and it means the world to me. 

lets hope i can figure out what to do, and soon. 

i'll keep you posted.