for the past few weeks i haven't been myself. i have been really distant from those i was once close too, rather stay home then go out, dont respond to texts or calls. and for awhile i didnt know why. tell i got hit with reality. i have a broken heart.
sounds lame i know but its the truth.
when i was a junior in high school i started to date the most perfect guy. he was smarty, cute, religious, caring, he was everything i could have wanted and more. spending time with him was a dream. all of my friends were jealous of how good he treated me. we were the perfect couple. when he got his mission call there wasn't a doubt in my mind that i was going to wait for him. i was in love i knew what i wanted and it was him. the night that we said goodbye was probably one of the hardest nights of my life. watching him walk down my driveway knowing that i wouldn't see him for the next 2 years was so hard. but i had it all played out in my mind that our love wasn't going to change. and that we were going to make it and have a fairy tale life. i was getting letters weekly sometimes more then one.. then slowly as time went on the letters came less and less. i remember the first week i didn't get a letter. i cried for days. and as time went on a week turned into two, then three, then a month. when i would get them the 'i love yous' and the 'miss you babe' were missing. and soon it was like i was writing a complete stranger. dont get me wrong i know how important it is to stay focused on your mission, and i wasn't wanting him to be distracted. all i wanted was to know he still loved me.
when it was time for him to come home i was so excited.. and at the same time i wasn't. i didn't know what was going to happen. he got home dec 12 2011. me and one of his friends went and wrote on the overpass as him and his family drove by. i figured i would see him later that night after he was released. well that day came and went. i was completely destroyed. he didn't want to see me? why hadn't he called? what happened to my fairy tale? it was another two days before i heard from him. we decided to meet on friday. before i left my dad came in and told me that no matter what i needed to be ready for the worst. when i saw him... it just wasn't the same. it wasn't what i thought it would be like. i gave him an awkward side hug, and we went in for ice cream. we sat there and i felt like i just talked the whole time. then he started saying how sorry he was. and i knew it was over. when we left he gave me another side hug and just said he was sorry. i left and didn't even cry. i didn't know what had just happened. and to be honest i still dont feel like i do. how could this happen? this isn't what i thought would happen. my parents cried and i just sat there. numb. they were waiting for me and still are waiting for me to deal with this and i can't. this is one thing that i dont know how long it will take before it will be okay. i still have a hard time when i hear his name or see a picture. how did all of that love just disappear?
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