tayten&brinley

i love being an aunt. more than anything. i can spend all day (and i usually do) with these two. tayten is such a fun little boy, he is crazy, loves running, being outside, and playing with pele. than we have our new princess brinley. oh the joy of having a little girl. the bows, ruffles, pink&purple, its so much fun. don't get me wrong i love having a little nephew but there is something about a girl that makes me so happy! moral of the story is i love these two so much and can't wait to watch them grow up.

becoming an aunt for the first time. welcome to the world tayten   

my little man

Brinley one month old

Love them to the moon and back

reality.

(be prepared for a long post)
for the past few weeks i haven't been myself. i have been really distant from those i was once close too, rather stay home then go out, dont respond to texts or calls. and for awhile i didnt know why. tell i got hit with reality. i have a broken heart. 


sounds lame i know but its the truth. 


when i was a junior in high school i started to date the most perfect guy. he was smarty, cute, religious, caring, he was everything i could have wanted and more. spending time with him was a dream. all of my friends were jealous of how good he treated me. we were the perfect couple. when he got his mission call there wasn't a doubt in my mind that i was going to wait for him. i was in love i knew what i wanted and it was him. the night that we said goodbye was probably one of the hardest nights of my life. watching him walk down my driveway knowing that i wouldn't see him for the next 2 years was so hard. but i had it all played out in my mind that our love wasn't going to change. and that we were going to make it and have a fairy tale life. i was getting letters weekly sometimes more then one.. then slowly as time went on the letters came less and less. i remember the first week i didn't get a letter. i cried for days. and as time went on a week turned into two, then three, then a month. when i would get them the 'i love yous' and the 'miss you babe' were missing. and soon it was like i was writing a complete stranger. dont get me wrong i know how important it is to stay focused on your mission, and i wasn't wanting him to be distracted. all i wanted was to know he still loved me. 


when it was time for him to come home i was so excited.. and at the same time i wasn't. i didn't know what was going to happen. he got home dec 12 2011. me and one of his friends went and wrote on the overpass as him and his family drove by. i figured i would see him later that night after he was released. well that day came and went. i was completely destroyed. he didn't want to see me? why hadn't he called? what happened to my fairy tale? it was another two days before i heard from him. we decided to meet on friday. before i left my dad came in and told me that no matter what i needed to be ready for the worst. when i saw him... it just wasn't the same. it wasn't what i thought it would be like. i gave him an awkward side hug, and we went in for ice cream. we sat there and i felt like i just talked the whole time. then he started saying how sorry he was. and i knew it was over. when we left he gave me another side hug and just said he was sorry. i left and didn't even cry. i didn't know what had just happened. and to be honest i still dont feel like i do. how could this happen? this isn't what i thought would happen. my parents cried and i just sat there. numb. they were waiting for me and still are waiting for me to deal with this and i can't. this is one thing that i dont know how long it will take before it will be okay. i still have a hard time when i hear his name or see a picture. how did all of that love just disappear?

whats the first step in fixing a broken heart. because time isn't helping.

i wish..

i saw this on another blog and i loved it. Wednesday wishes.

i wish that i knew how my life was going to play out. that way i would know that everything im going through now is worth it.

i wish growing up was as fun as i thought it was going to be. note to all the kids who are so excited to graduate.... your dumb. high school is a piece of cake.

i wish money grew on trees.... no need for explanation there.

i wish that every time i clicked on an outfit i like it would just show up in my closet. like here ya go kady, you deserve this.:) that would be awesome.

going along with the previous one.. 

i wish that i could just click on a models body and it would just magically switch with mine. this whole working out every night and seeing zero results is driving me crazy. come one where is my cheerleader body?!    

i wish that everything would just be okay. no more of these life trials. ive had enough thanks

i wish i had a better understand of the church. so that i can always fall back on it when times are tough.

i wish it was summer. pool days. boating. shorts, flip flops, bikinis. sounds so nice right now since i am bundled up in bed trying to feel my toes again.

there are plenty more wishes in my head. but if i share them all now i wont have anything for next week:)

Dear: life decisions

i hate you. Lately so many decisions have been going through my mind. day and night. I often find myself day dreaming and making lists about things I want to do and wondering how to do them. Here are the thoughts that have been taking over my mind..

- Stay Home or Move Out?

There are so many pros and cons that go along with this. Living at home is nice, no rent, free food, all I have to clean is my room. I'm hungry I go to the pantry. Its really nice. But with living at home I feel like a little kid. I want a place of my own to come and go as I please, have whoever over, whenever I want. A place to decorate and make my own, and of course live with my friends. 

-New car or stay with the Jetta?

Oh the jetta. I hate the jetta. It was always my dream to get one, then I got one. And I quickly changed my mind. We got a steal with this car.. only $1300! WOW..right?! WRONG! trust me I have put way more into this car then it is worth. It seems like after i get one thing fixed another thing goes wrong. How many more things can be fixed on it, i thought by now i had replaced everything. So it seems like a smart person would just get rid of it and get a new one. Easier said then done. Insurance.. up. Loan.. need to get. Car payment.. $$$ and you have to get the approval of the dad. And it has to look cute. 

-Blonde or Brunette?

This just sound silly after those two other decisions but yes it still weights on my mind. I was always a darker blonde all growing up, never really blonde, never really brown either. Finally i (after a facebook input of course) i decided to go all brunette. I loved it..and still do. but with summer coming i find myself wanting to go back blonde-ish. Then I worry about taking care of it. Is it worth it? I mean they do say blondes have more fun;)

-Logan,Provo,Dixie,Illinois?

-Ecuador for 3 months?

-School or work full time?

As you can see there is lots going on. If anyone would like to take over and make these decisions for me that would be great. Until then I'll just keep thinking and making lists and hope that I can figure it out.

Here I am

Finally, after months of blog stalking others I decided to make my own. It is taking me awhile to figure out how everything works... I thought it was going to be lots easier then it has turned out to be. I hope you enjoy:)